Create a safe environment where you can trust and share openly without being afraid.
Don’t interrupt, even if you need to put your hand over your mouth to stop yourself. Learn to fight fairly. No name calling. Don’t make threats. Apologize when you know you should. If you’re too angry to really listen, stop! Go into another room, take space for yourself, breathe and “calm down.”
Remember: your partner is not the enemy.


Separate the facts from the feelings.
What beliefs and feelings get triggered in you during conflicts? Ask yourself: Is there something from my past that is influencing how I’m seeing the situation now? The critical question you want to ask: Is this about him or her, or is it really about me? What’s the real truth? Once you’re able to differentiate facts from feelings, you’ll see your partner more clearly and be able to resolve conflicts from clarity.

Connect with the different parts of yourself.
Each of us is not a solo instrument. We’re more like a choir or an orchestra with several voices. What is your mind saying? What is your heart saying? What is your body saying? What is your ‘gut’ saying? For example: My mind is saying ‘definitely leave her,’ but my heart says ‘I really love her.’ Let these different voices or parts of you co-exist and speak to one another. In this way, you will find an answer that comes from your whole self.

Develop and cultivate compassion.
Practice observing yourself and your partner without judging. Part of you might judge, but you don’t have to identify with it. Judging closes a door. The opposite of judging is compassion. When you are compassionate, you are open, connected, and more available to dialoging respectfully with your partner. As you increasingly learn to see your partner compassionately, you will have more power to choose your response rather than just reacting.

Create a “we” that can house two “I’s”.
The foundation for a thriving, growing, mutually-supportive relationship is to be separate and connected. In co-dependent relationships, each person sacrifices part of him or her self, compromising the relationship as a whole. When you are separate and connected, each individual “I” contributes to the creation of a “we” that is stronger than the sum of its parts.
The differences between you and your partner are not negatives. You don’t need to be with someone who shares all of your interests and views. We may sometimes fear that these differences are incompatibilities, but in fact, they’re often what keeps a relationship exciting and full of good fire.

Partner, heal thyself.
Don’t expect your partner to fill your emotional holes, and don’t try to fill theirs. Ultimately, each of us can only heal ourselves. Your partner, however, can be supportive as you work with yourself, and vice versa. In fact, living in a loving relationship is healing in and of itself.

Ask questions when you’re unsure or are making assumptions.
All too often, we make up our own stories or interpretations about what our partners’ behavior means. For example: “She doesn’t want to cuddle; she must not really love me anymore.” We can never err on the side of asking too many questions, and then listen to the answers from your whole self — heart, gut, mind and body. Equally important is to hear what’s not being said — the facts and feeling that you sense might be unspoken.

Make time for your relationship.
No matter who you are or what your work is, you need to nurture your relationship. Make sure you schedule time for the well-being of your relationship. That includes making “playdates” and also taking downtime together. Frequently create a sacred space together by shutting off all things technological and digital. Like a garden, the more you tend to your relationship, the more it will grow..


Say the “hard things” from love
 
Become aware of the hard things that you’re not talking about. How does that feel? No matter what you’re feeling in a situation, channel the energy of your emotions so that you say what you need to say in a constructive manner.

There you have it. Be kind to yourselves. Remember: change takes time and every step counts.



Leave a note professing your love for your partner to find during the day. Put the note where it will be found, easily. Try their briefcase, the driver's seat of their car, in their coat pocket, in their lunch bag, taped to the receiver of the phone, taped to their computer, or left taped to a doorknob.
As soon as you arrive home for the day seek out your partner and offer a big, loving kiss.  Tell your partner how much you love him or her and ask about their day. Make this a new, daily habit.
As an alternate idea, when your partner arrives home for the day, take their hand and pull them towards you aggressively.  Offer a huge hug, kiss and say, "I missed you today!”


While your partner showers, heat up his or her towel in the dryer.
Have flowers delivered to partner at work.
Surprise your partner by arriving home with their favorite drink, snack, or ice-cream.


Arrange for an intimate lunch date with your partner. Afterward, send a virtual card. Tell them how much you enjoyed lunch together.

Call your partner in the middle of the day to discuss your romantic plans for that evening.
Print out some love coupons (find them on-line) and present them to your partner.  One might say:  this entitles loved one to a full-body massage, and sign your name.


For the kid in all of us!  Use multi-colored, sidewalk chalk to draw a BIG heart in red and write.  Print out the words, “I love you" in the middle of the heart.  Do this someplace that is prominent such as on your driveway so that when your partner comes home he or she will see it.
Cook a favorite meal for your partner and then eat it, slowly, by candlelight.


When the weather is best, take a brisk walk through a nature trail with your love and talk about all the reasons why
he or she is so special to you.
If the weather is dreary, have an indoor picnic.  Spend the time together, inside enjoying your favorite board games and just relaxing and talking.
Cuddle up in your pj’s and relish a romantic movie together.


Just sleep in and cuddle together.  Call into work and explain you are “under the weather” and need to rest a bit more before coming in.
Make a long list of the many reasons why you love your partner as you do and then have them framed and present it to him or her.
If you don’t live together, call your loved one just to say goodnight. Recite a favorite love poem over the phone and end with, “Sweet dreams, until we meet again!”